Shit floats

I wonder is there something in the Irish mind that refuses to let truth be known? What I mean is, that surely not all politicians are idiots, not all superiors are bad people? They can't be. I heard from someone that their superior didn't want to send an email company wide, to let other departments know that they had to halt certain services in the light of staff shortages, on the off chance the management would think they couldn't cope. As if being short staffed was a secret and that the wide dissemination of this valuable information would be damaging to that department. But they'll put on a brave face and single handedly save the company. Then management gets wind of this coverup and the shits hit the fan in all sorts of ways.

It's the notion of accountability. Why can't people put their hands up and say they got it wrong? When rewards are clearly given to those that perform well instead of rewards for doing the right thing, nothing's going to change. Perhaps that's why I am where I am. I tend to tell the truth and say it like it is. I'm allergic to bullshit, both giving and receiving.

Its hard at the bottom..

I'm finding it hard to get a work experience position never mind a job. It's something you'll hear many people all over the country say. But I'm unique to a degree. I have a disability. Not getting a job is one thing, it's hard for everyone, but having a disability puts you at a distinct disadvantage. I'm only repeating myself because it's true.

I've heard that many have had the experience of a potential employer not replying to a request for an interview. In my case, I may not even get in the door both metaphorically and physically. On the occasions that I do get brought in for a interview it feels like I'm just there as the token disadvantaged person. So they can say they're an equal opportunities employer. I mean, how dare I look for a job that involves thinking, because if you're disabled you clearly can't.

I defy anyone, top of the corporate ladder or bottom of the "food chain" to start from scratch and try to get a job. No one will give you a chance. Especially outside of Dublin. I don't know what the capital of Ireland is like, but where I am, there's a very palpable refusal to accept that disabled people have a contribution to make. Over and above working as a bag packer in a supermarket or a glass collector in a pub!

Discrimination is alive in Ireland, and so is profililing. It'll be denied to the n'th degree, but mention the word disabled and you're immediately infected with an incurable disease. If they employ you it'll be the end of civilisation and their business. And I'll add here that's it not just private sector companies. The public sector are just as likely to have "strong" opinions on your being a suitable employee.

But that's why I'm so quiet and seemingly unsocial. That's why disabled people stay silent. Fear. I'm not saying this to be sensationalist, but it can happen to anybody. But you know, you have to have a mind to loose and a brain to get damaged, and those that have, have more than likely got more leftover than most.

Another blistering result..

Word of the Day..

1. Convolvulus

   

   Plant

Convolvulus is a genus of about 200 to 250 species of flowering plants in the bindweedfamily Convolvulaceae, with a cosmopolitan distribution. Common names include bindweed and morning glory, both names shared with other closely related genera.

Word of the Day...

Entitlement

noun

The fact of having a right to something

The amount to which a person has a right

The belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment

Confidence

I find that getting constant knock backs, the fact that I've been out of the workforce for so long and my lack of skills, or apparent skills are letting me down. I'm tired of trading on the fact that I worked in software testing year ago. Yes I have some knowledge when it comes to computer, but my skills aren't needed. I'm obsolete.

I can't just take the first job that presents itself either. I can't walk that far in one go, I can't stand for longer than a hour or so, I'm not to good on the phone due to dysarthria, my coordination is poor, my balance is bad, my strength is terrible, I can't bend down. So, there is no job out there that can fit into my abilities, or me into its requirements.

I was never the most confident person, but now! I can't say with any kind of conviction that the knowledge that I have gained from here and there, once upon a time is any use.

We're doing an exercise on the course at the moment that involves some "inner reflection" and it's not making me happy. All I can see is a damaged human, with no relevance to working life today, and it hurts. I spent so long tying to get better, sure that I would recover sufficiently, to be able to do something to try and support myself; but I've been in denial.

The stroke wasn't as total as it should have been, because I know what I've lost. I'm keenly aware of my short comings. I've said before on many occasions there are worse things in this world than dying; and this is one of them.

People over the years have said about looking at the positive side of things like "at least you're alive", but there's no quality of life here. I can't work, so someone else decides what I can and can't do and what I can and can't live on. If you're able-bodied and working or able-bodied and not working, you have the choice to change your life. It's hard if you're homeless or addicted to drugs or whatever, but they're things you have a choice to change even if it takes a great deal of effort to accomplish your goal.

This though, this disability, I can't change. It won't make any difference how much I work at it. It won't go away, ever. That knowledge and the fact that I'm useless in the eyes of society, knowing what I've lost and knowing that I'll never get it back is depressing to say the least. It's really given my confidence a beating...

Confused

I'm confused. Why would a company ask for my C.V. for a work placement and when they get it say there's no placements available?

It's not a puzzle why people in general have trouble getting work when companies themselves don't know what they're doing.

Technology

I'd love to invent a piece of kit that could take me, as I am now and make me rich, good at things, popular, thin, intelligent, attractive to both men and women, and successful.

I'll become tho worlds first wealthy producer of popular things that are thin, popular to men and women. I shall call them Denny rushers and they will be good.all comers will rever them and raise the up in divinity the bath in the light of gods light,

And lo,,the people will rejoice and give praise for the shiny things that were put there on Tueday by the followers of he that shall be obeyed.


Help, I'm monologuing

Unpublished posts

I've written a number of posts that I haven't published. I don't want to sound like I'm whining all the time so just for fun: this

Sold

Ireland has been sold and I believe it to be true. German, American, British banks and others it would seem have coerced, and pushed Ireland into accepting a bailout that suited those countries, but not Ireland. I'm not a financial wizard, but it's really hurting the country, and not just financialy. There's a deep mistrust of politicians. It's going to be like religion. No faith in the organs of power to do anything right.

I see a situation where politicians get less and less votes, and therefore represent fewer and fewer people. But there will always be politicians. They're like anyone else in society, trying to make ends meet. But they do it by lying, cheating and stealing from the people who elected them, and everyone else. And yet people still put they're faith in the 'one' person that can lead us out of poverty and back to the promised land.

To me it's very much like religion. We pray to the saints. But these were men and women, living people. You may as well go to the local graveyard, pick a name at random and pray to them. OK, the difference you say is that they're holy. What? Some guy in a dress elected by a bunch of other guys wearing silly hats says these dead people are to be revered and that our salvation depends on our devotion to them. Twaddle.

We're not going to make things better for ourselves by doing what we're told. We won't make anything better by doing what we want, and we certainly won't make things better by sitting on the fence passively doing nothing. But I'm wondering, at what point do we start asking questions? Is it when we have sucked the will out of everyone to get out and get a job, a life? Educate people enough so that they can question things, but not enough to rock the boat.

Decorating Meat

When did butchers start decorating meat with bits of parsley and lettuce? Eggs are a raw product but you don't see chickens walking around with bits of herbs and salad vegetables up their backsides, or vents to use the right term, to make their "fruits" seem more appealing. Mad.

I'm going through a bit of a meat eating revolution right now. I haven't cut it out altogether, but I've made a conscience effort not to eat as much, and I feel a bit better. I think that when people cut a food group from their diet they're denying their body something it needs. You can get protein from vegetables such as soya, but meat protein is unique.

I'm going to show my age now, but when I was a kid, meat of any kind was a special thing. I was always told that the person who has to go out and earn the money eats best. I'm not sure that would work now with people leading all sorts of lives, but the thing is, in my opinion, we eat way to much meat. Well we eat to much of everything. I'm not preaching, people can eat what they like, but for me, my stomach is saying slow down on the cow.

It's true to say that I'll try almost anything. How can you know you don't like something unless you try it. Liver and kidneys, hate them, but like liver patê. I don't remember ever seeing a kidney patê, but I'd try it. Civiche - love, sushi - love. Chrisps, I'll eat them, but don't give me a Bounty Bar - that's just wrong. I'm not picking posh food on purpose. I love a good Guiness and Beef pie, and a bag of chips too.

I try to eat as much fish I can handle, veggies and fruit. grains, pulses, nut and seeds. I'm not going hippie, I just like all that stuff. Over 90% of India or 1.01 billion people, is vegetarian so there's got to be something to it. Bring on the curry!

Word of the day - budget special

Arsehole

noun

vulgar slang

noun: arsehole

1. the anus

   
   

   or

   
   

   an irritating or contemptible person

Employment

I've commented on this before, but it's something that really bothers me. Employment and being disabled. I don't want to get angry about it. But it does make me mad.

Image from disabled-jobs.org

I can only speak for myself, but I welcome any comments others have. Being disabled, or at least aquiring a disability through illness or accident is really difficult. Especially if you still have the awareness to actually know what's happened to you and the loss that you have suffered.

People look at me and make the judgement that I'm OK, even though I walk with a stick, my balance is bad and my speech is slurred. More often than not it's along the lines of "at least you're alive" or something to that effect. There are worse things than dying let me tell you.

Being aware of your limitations and working around them, learning to walk again, eat again, go to the bathroom, breathe on your own, speak, and the myriad other things that people take for granted, takes skill and patience.
And it's really really difficult. Balancing enough to enable you to walk is hard. Yet people take it for granted. Going into a shop with a step is impossible in a wheelchair. Yet it's taken for granted.

It's hard enough to get a job. It's almost impossible if you have any kind of disability. They talk about a stigma surrounding depression and mental health, but that's nothing, NOTHING, compared to the reaction you get from people and their dismissal of you if you have a disability. After time you begin to doubt yourself, and this deepens into a lack of confidence and self esteem. Depression sets in, and you're on a hiding to nothing.

I have to be careful what kind of work I try to get. I'm still sick. I don't look it but I am. Having arthritis and lymphedema mean that my immune system is very low. So low in fact that a cold becomes a major event, and could possibly put me in hospital. In fact arthritis or lymphedema on their own are called auto-immune diseases, so having them both together isn't great. And I haven't mentioned the physical aspects of of either conditions.

It's true to say that I'm lucky, but when and where is it determined that I've had enough luck? Who decides? And what gives them the right to make that decision for me?

I have the right to work the same as everybody else and although people show great sympathy and empathy for someone with a disability, few are willing to put their money where their mouth is and give a person with a disability a job.

Spider, spider

Spider, spider on the wall
You shouldn't be there at all at all.
Because the wall has just been plastered
So get down you dirty....spider

Word of the day

Pizza:

1. a dish of Italian origin consisting of a flat, round base of dough baked with a topping of tomato sauce and cheese, typically with added meat or vegetables.

Unemployment and disabilty

There's a story on Today FM today highlighting the fact that 76% of paralysed people don't return to work. It's a rotten situation. What about the rest of us though, disabled people but not just the paralysed? Do we not count?

Of course arguments will be made to argue that we have total equality, but we're only equal with each other. I mean that every disability is treated with the same disdain amongst "normal' people. But within the category, some disabilities are treated somewhat differently.

I'm not picking out a single disability, but Downs Syndrome has achieved more than other disabilities have. The thing is there are so many disabilities, and they're all deserving. And the reluctance to assist people with any disability isn't a unique one. In this era of cut backs and Fine Gael/Labour imposed austerity the withdrawal and consolidation of services is having a serious impact on people. It's not limited to services either. Everything from healthcare to community based services is being targeted. Let me put it like this. If your mother, father, brother, sister, wife, husband or child became disabled, what would you do? What do you do?

It's expensive to be disabled too. If you're unlucky enough to be on your own and unable to drive you need to get a taxi. And if you live in a rural location the cost of a taxi is prohibitive.

A number of years ago, the motorised transport grant and the mobility grant were cut by the government. The only reason that was given was that it was just to expensive to operate as it was unconstitutional to have a cut off age. So if you were over 65 I think it was, you couldn't get the grant anyway. Where's the logic there? Anyhow, the thing I wanted to point out is that it hasn't been replaced with anything. If you're disabled you're stuck where you are unless you can drive or pay for a taxi, but seeing a most disabled people are unemployed that luxury is spared in order to eat. Loneliness goes through the roof as do psychological issues. Another problem that is entirely created by the policies of the current political incumbents.

So it's not as simple as saying that paralysed people have a problem with unemployment. As far as I'm concerned we're all being ignored and walked on.

Word of the day

 Palladium:

Palladium is a chemical element with symbol Pd and atomic number 46. It is a rare and lustrous silvery-white metal discovered in 1803 by William Hyde Wollaston.

Wikipedia article

Turns out..

..I'm not fat after all. It's been shown that people with lymphodema and lipodema are over-weight due to the condition. I was told by a doctor when I was sixteen that the reason I had a bad back was because I was fat and to loose weight to ease my back pain.

Well I have arthritis in the spine (Ankylosing Spondylitis) and Lymphodema. That statement by a doctor, a professional, has given me a complex about my weight ever since. Whatever happened to the Hippocratic Oath? Here's the most commonly quoted wording:

I swear by Apollo the physician, and Aesculapius the surgeon, likewise Hygeia and Panacea, and call all the gods and goddesses to witness, that I will observe and keep this underwritten oath, to the utmost of my power and judgement.

I will reverence my master who taught me the art. Equally with my parents, will I allow him things necessary for his support, and will consider his sons as brothers. I will teach them my art without reward or agreement; and I will impart all my acquirements, instructions, and whatever I know, to my master's children, as to my own; and likewise to all my pupils, who shall bind and tie themselves by a professional oath, but to none else.

With regard to healing the sick, I will devise and order for them the best diet, according to my judgement and means; and I will take care that they suffer no hurt or damage.

Nor shall any man's entreaty prevail upon me to administer poison to anyone; neither will I counsel any man to do so. Moreover, I will get no sort of medicine to any pregnant woman, with a view to destroy the child.

Further, I will comport myself and use my knowledge in a godly manner.

I will not cut for the stone, but will commit that affair entirely to the surgeons.

Whatsoever house I may enter, my visit shall be for the convenience and advantage of the patient; and I will willingly refrain from doing any injury or wrong from falsehood, and (in an especial manner) from acts of an amorous nature, whatever may be the rank of those who it may be my duty to cure, whether mistress or servant, bond or free.

Whatever, in the course of my practice, I may see or hear (even when not invited), whatever I may happen to obtain knowledge of, if it be not proper to repeat it, I will keep sacred and secret within my own breast.

If I faithfully observe this oath, may I thrive and prosper in my fortune and profession, and live in the estimation of posterity; or on breach thereof, may the reverse be my fate!

See this for more information.

Negativity and Illness

I'm overwhelmingly negative. So much bad stuff has happened to me over the

years. There are only two things really that I can think of that have been great and I'm not going to mention them here. I'm aware that everybody is dealing with something, but people react differently to things.

As I keep saying, Ireland isn't the greatest place to get sick in. The stigma that goes alongside any illness is overwhelming. Never mind depression and why wouldn't I have depression. Thankfully it's under control with medication, but negativity is difficult to treat. It's exhausting.

There are people up and down the country with depression of some kind. Some deal with it better than others who unfortunately don't, but they're all suffering. I can't tell you the reason why depression is so prevalent in Ireland, I'm not qualified. All I can say is that it's debilitating.

Illness of any kind is tiring. There isn't a day that goes by that I feel well. Lymphedema means I'm always in pain, and if it's not the lymphedema it's arthritis, or it's the stroke. For instance, today the lymphedema is causing me pain as usual, but vertigo is making me dizzy. Not much but it's there. And I can't take anything for it because I need to function.

No one ever sees these hidden conditions, and it's impossible to get people to care. I have a great deal of empathy with those that are suffering, and the lengths mankind will go to to make life unbearable always amazes me. I've tried not to care but it doesn't work. Maybe that's why I could never be a councillor, I care that little bit too much.

But this is my struggle. Sometimes it all gets too much, the pain, the effort, standing upright (and I mean that literally), walking, being sick and unemployed.
That's why I'm negative...

October and the lies are thicker than

..the water that comes out of your tap.

I heard the Taniste saying that emigrants are starting to come back to the country. Why? And why now? They've just introduced water taxes, erm sorry, I mean water charges, sorry I can't make it positive, unemployment is still over 11%, our Government is lying to us again, about everything.

Actually, the emigrant thing is probably bullshit. But that statement will largely go unnoticed. It must be the dulcet tones of an educated voice (must've done a CE scheme or REHAB course) that's making the announcement so appealing.

I mean really! First of all how stupid do they think people are, and secondly how stupid do you need to be to make a statement like that?

The timing of it has E. Kenny all over it!