Negativity and Illness

I'm overwhelmingly negative. So much bad stuff has happened to me over the

years. There are only two things really that I can think of that have been great and I'm not going to mention them here. I'm aware that everybody is dealing with something, but people react differently to things.

As I keep saying, Ireland isn't the greatest place to get sick in. The stigma that goes alongside any illness is overwhelming. Never mind depression and why wouldn't I have depression. Thankfully it's under control with medication, but negativity is difficult to treat. It's exhausting.

There are people up and down the country with depression of some kind. Some deal with it better than others who unfortunately don't, but they're all suffering. I can't tell you the reason why depression is so prevalent in Ireland, I'm not qualified. All I can say is that it's debilitating.

Illness of any kind is tiring. There isn't a day that goes by that I feel well. Lymphedema means I'm always in pain, and if it's not the lymphedema it's arthritis, or it's the stroke. For instance, today the lymphedema is causing me pain as usual, but vertigo is making me dizzy. Not much but it's there. And I can't take anything for it because I need to function.

No one ever sees these hidden conditions, and it's impossible to get people to care. I have a great deal of empathy with those that are suffering, and the lengths mankind will go to to make life unbearable always amazes me. I've tried not to care but it doesn't work. Maybe that's why I could never be a councillor, I care that little bit too much.

But this is my struggle. Sometimes it all gets too much, the pain, the effort, standing upright (and I mean that literally), walking, being sick and unemployed.
That's why I'm negative...