Time stand still

When time stood still there was chaos. Nurses and doctors everywhere except where they should be. Time stands still. Moving feels like walking through jelly, then it's black. Not the sort of black your eyes get used to though.

Ten years of this so far. Many many dark days still ahead. At times tinnitus overwhelms everything, and a deep headache ensues. Going to sleep nearly always includes nightmares. I've seen things that weren't meant to be seen. Ghosts. They haunt me. They're not of my making but all of them want my help except one. The dreams can be very vivid. Right down to smells. And there's always pain, physical pain. Always.

Fobbed off...

After sending the letter to the minister in charge of disability, I have been acknowledged, by her secretary, and the matter was passed onto the Minister for Social protection - Joan Burton. This could either get messy or come to nothing. My money, (but not so much cause I don't have much).is on the latte outcome...

Letter to Kathleen Lynch TD - Minister with responsibility for disability

Posted 12/5/2015 5.36pm

Letter to Kathleen Lynch TD - Minister with responsibility for disability

Minister,

I am sad to say that I am very displeased with the level of support that disabled people receive from the state. I am a disabled man of 45 with valuable work experience who suffered a stroke ten years ago. Since then I have acquired some disabilities from a TBI. I'll spare you the details as they can appear extensive. Suffice it to say, I'm not marketable.

I am unable to qualify for an invalidity pension as I don't have the required number of social security credits (stamps), according to the current set of rules set out by the Department of Social Protection. However, I cannot move on with my life because any future spouse would have to be willing to 'look after' me financially. I cannot get a job that will allow me to build up the needed credits so effectively, I'm stuck. Either I can remain on disability allowance for the rest of my life or say to any potential spouse that am going to be dependent on them for everything, for ever. And this is not a spousal question. Spouses of both sexes can choose to work or not. I understand that as disabled people we can work, but as I said, there are very little supports and services available to disabled people and little understanding or compassion from employers either.

I am at a loss to understand how a welfare system that acknowledges that disabled people are less likely to be in employment than others of a working age AND that the cost of living for disabled people is generally higher AND that there seems to be 13% of the population living with a disability can call itself equal when there is so obviously a skew towards able-bodied people. 

I find it difficult to comprehend that a minister with responsibility for disability can let it come to pass that this obvious inequality is allowed to persist in a supposedly enlightened society. You are the voice that has been nominated to speak up on behalf of those without one. Why are we (disabled, but willing and wanting to work) being ignored? I can't pretend that my own situation is not the reason that I am contacting you, but having seen both sides of the fence as it were, I am disgusted by the treatment that disabled people are suffering and have been suffering by the state and by the population at large.

I can't say who you should talk to, but this situation will continue till someone makes a stand. But something has to change. Ireland led the way with the smoking ban in workplaces, why not disability?

The constitution states that I have:

The right to earn a livelihood

"As a citizen, you have a right to work and to earn a living, whether you are male or female.The State is under a duty to protect your right to work and earn a livelihood from unjust attack."

It's not happening.

Lars O'Reilly

Five

I can still see those people die. Five so far. Mostly to disease, one to trauma. Unless you're in the medical field that's a lot. Three were my direct relatives. Two of them died pretty traumatically, one less so, at least not for those of us looking on. I saw one suffocate slowly while their organs shut down one by one. (Anyone reading this: don't smoke and if you do, stop). The other had been in car smash. He..wasn't in a car, he just got most of one wedged in his face. He wasn't recognisable when he died. He left a big empty space in me that's never been filled.

I nearly died, three times and no, I'm not taking the piss. On my deathbed I saw a man opposite me in a hospital bed die. I wasn't nice. It wasn't clean. He'd been very ill and wasn't conscious when he died, but his body knew. It was like he was getting big electric shocks one after another. Five, ten, I lost count before I passed out myself from either my own illness or sheer horror. That really got to me. Five was a man who again this time was in hospital when I was there. He walked in, talking, smiling and eating. He had Motor Neurone Disease. Three weeks later I was holding his hand as his lungs stopped working. I saw the blood vessels in his eyes burst, then his face, and lastly one of his eyes blew from the inside because of the swelling in his brain.

I'm certain other people have seen things they shouldn't but these I'll take with me to the grave. They were all terrifying. It's one of the reasons that I don't understand some people being cunts. There's no need. There are so many ways that life can end that the last thing you want is some random idiot to make it that bit more unpleasant. It's also the reason I can be a bit withdrawn. I know it's a cliché, but when I get close to someone and that person gets taken away, a piece of me dies. I an remember all of their names. Gustav, Maurice, Jette, Mr. Hetherington and Brian..RIP.