Taking stuff for granted (Pt 2)

Waking, balance and co-ordination are things people don't think about. When you need to go somewhere you walk, right? I need to think about the implications of a decision to walk somewhere. How far is it? Will I make it back to somewhere to sit? Will I fall? What's the surface like? I have to have a reference point to look at or I'll loose my balance and fall.

Not only have I been left with this disability, I have lymphodema as well. So not only is it hard to walk just cause it is, but lymphodema makes it harder still. Lymphodema is the 'modern' name for elephantiasis. It's what John Merrick (the Elephant Man) had, only not quite as extreme in my case. So, my legs, mainly my right leg becomes very heavy. In fact it can weigh up to five stone, That's just under a third of my body weight. And it's spreading.

Imagine not only not being able to walk properly because of a deficit, add the complication of lymphodema into the mix. It doesn't end there. The physiological impact of looking different, not being able to wear certain types of clothes, being 'fat' and everything else that goes with it is far reaching.

For various reasons, not least of all lymphodema, I find it hard to trust people. I don't want to have to explain yet again that I have a medical condition that makes me look the way I do, and getting the blank look people give you when they don't really believe you. i.e. "you're just fat, don't eat so much"...gets tired.

I am different. I've had a stroke, got bad arthritis, and have lymphodema. I'm alive, but sometimes wish I wasn't because I see others succeed succeed, and quite often they take thing for granted, whereas I don't and can't.