Taking stuff for granted (Pt 2)

Waking, balance and co-ordination are things people don't think about. When you need to go somewhere you walk, right? I need to think about the implications of a decision to walk somewhere. How far is it? Will I make it back to somewhere to sit? Will I fall? What's the surface like? I have to have a reference point to look at or I'll loose my balance and fall.

Not only have I been left with this disability, I have lymphodema as well. So not only is it hard to walk just cause it is, but lymphodema makes it harder still. Lymphodema is the 'modern' name for elephantiasis. It's what John Merrick (the Elephant Man) had, only not quite as extreme in my case. So, my legs, mainly my right leg becomes very heavy. In fact it can weigh up to five stone, That's just under a third of my body weight. And it's spreading.

Imagine not only not being able to walk properly because of a deficit, add the complication of lymphodema into the mix. It doesn't end there. The physiological impact of looking different, not being able to wear certain types of clothes, being 'fat' and everything else that goes with it is far reaching.

For various reasons, not least of all lymphodema, I find it hard to trust people. I don't want to have to explain yet again that I have a medical condition that makes me look the way I do, and getting the blank look people give you when they don't really believe you. i.e. "you're just fat, don't eat so much"...gets tired.

I am different. I've had a stroke, got bad arthritis, and have lymphodema. I'm alive, but sometimes wish I wasn't because I see others succeed succeed, and quite often they take thing for granted, whereas I don't and can't.

Taking stuff for granted

Ten years ago, give or take a month my life changed forever. Gone were my expectations, my health was non existent, I had no job, no career, no money, nothing, nada, zero. It amuses me when people say they're depressed because "life's so unfair". Don't even think of explaining unfair to me. Unfair is not being able to breath on your own. Unfair is not being able to feed yourself, or worse not being able to eat. Unfair is having someone else wipe your butt and help you onto and off the toilet. So don't talk to me about fair. You aren't qualified.

Others take things for granted, small things, like swallowing, breathing correctly, being able to write with a pen, using both hands. Slightly bigger though is walking. 

Every step that I take requires concentration. I have to be totally sure that the surface I'm placing my foot on is completely stable. Otherwise I fall. If I take too short a step I can't recover fast enough, even to look stupid, so I fall. Every step is painfull. I'm not joking here it really is. I also know that every step I take away from a chair or somewhere to sit, is really two steps. One there and one back. 

And it bothers me, being disabled. People on radio saying that disabled people are essentially lazy, a drag on society. (The Nazis said that too). I get bothered by having to wait for others to do something for me. That's not how I wanted it to be...more to follow 

Word of the day

I thought of a word today, well to tell you the truth I thought of and used many of them,but I've forgotten most of them at this stage 😳

Still struggling

I've been out of it for a while. A cellulitis infection followed by a head cold and chest infection have been keeping me occupied. If you need to know what cellulitis is and how it effects Lymphedema you could do worse than reading this blog post. 

http://www.lymphedemablog.com/2010/10/29/infections-associated-with-lymphedema/

Admittedly it could be worse, but no one has any sympathy for my situation so from my perspective it's an ugly thing.